Fireplace

Been here before

About 5 times now

I can't ignore the fact

That something is wrong with me

"Nobody would want that part of me"

The lie I say to let me sleep

No, it isn't trauma or scars

It isn't worry or harm

I think I'm just stuck

Captured in between things

Like being in love

But not doing anything

Distinguishing truths from factual statements

For I can't fully engage on this hard stuck rock

It's the thin line I walk

Waiting for the impact

Wishing, praying, it end

I'm alright if it isn't peaceful

Cause I've been here before

The utter anticipation of wanting to love

Yet, so paralyzed by your potential pain

Even though I played my part

I want to leave it

This in-between of your love and my pain

But never going further

Terrified at the standard

The one that I am haunted by

For all my mistakes that create a gate to hold my rage

I'm a fire and I gotta wait

Fully healed but still aflame

I don't want to burn you, Darling

So, I'll stay away

Then perhaps someday, like all my flames

We'll revisit this someday

~ Rose. L